Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
