OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
