if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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