Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just high enough for therapy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
