I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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