On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
