I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
