I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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