I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
