I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize