Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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