another moral hangover. fuck.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
