I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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