so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
