I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
