I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
