I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i came on her dog
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
