He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
