Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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