she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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