Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
