moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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