return my video game
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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