how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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