i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
