that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
