I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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