why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
