is your mom at the bar?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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