I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
