If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
