Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+61): View more from Australia

It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

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(516): View more from New York

My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.

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(406): View more from Montana

I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!

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(410): View more from Maryland

the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?

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(850): View more from Florida

So this bar tattoo not looking that great now

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(319): View more from Iowa

Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.

(1-319): View more from Iowa

And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.

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(407): View more from Florida

You WHAT?!?!

(407): View more from Florida

Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.

(407): View more from Florida

I fucking love you.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl

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