when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
