and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
