you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
