no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize