don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
