i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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