What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
