you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
