so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
