She said her name was "party"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
