People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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