Apparently you make a good broom.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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