I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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