I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
