but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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