I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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