How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
