Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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