He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
