she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
