dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
