There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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