I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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