kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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