I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
