There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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