Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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