He kissed a someone with a penis
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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