It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
