Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
