Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
